You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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