After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
