ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
