so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
