she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
