____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
