im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
