I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
