i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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