I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
porn star boner night. come get it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
