We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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