You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
