I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
