I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
