I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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