She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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