We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize