guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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