I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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