My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
