I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
