Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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