I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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