Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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