We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
