Got a toothbrush?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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