I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have aggressive nipples.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
