you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
