i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize