you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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