He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
