I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
