Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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