This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
