captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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