hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
