I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
