I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
