the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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