Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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