I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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