i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
