I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
