I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
