I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
