It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
