The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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