Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
