if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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