i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
