I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
