if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Houston, we have a blender
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
