at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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