i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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