remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
