NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
