oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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