Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your cock deserves a montage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize