Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
