Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
