sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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