just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
