Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize