So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
