He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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