Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
